Saturday, June 30, 2012

15 Minute June Recap

June will be remembered as a month of great failure. I lasted ten days on the vegan thing, wrote 8 blogs instead of 30 and got out running a grand total of once. I learned my lesson in when it comes to making promises and grand declarations that's for sure. The only thing I did accomplish this month was plowing through all 100 plus episodes of Dawson's Creek which got me nothing but dirty looks and a record number of questions regarding my sexuality. While I'll be the first to admit it was not the best usage of my time, it took me back to my youth and made me love and cry an equal number of times.

I have always seen myself as a Dawson Leery a smarter then everyone else in all matters other then those relating to his real life and an endless dreamer who masquerades as a melodramatic pessimist. Someone who inspires everyone around him other than himself and someone who is a great friend that never ends up with the girl. I have grown contend to live this existence as long as it comes with great days, memories loves and lost. That was my take away from the month that it was ok to be Dawson Leery my favorite fictional punching bag for the last decade. Like I said it was a slow month would more to want from me?

July on the other hand holds great promise. We stand 72 hours away from the first fully attended family vacation in over a decade which will supply me with endless stories and nightmares. I am scheduled to work 11 days in July, more than I have at any point over the last two years. I'll be back home in the gym teaching the game I love and sharing my great life tales with over 500 poor young souls over the next three weeks. I'll be trying my hardest to break out of the Wachusett shell and show off my coaching skills on the college level for the first time which is awesome. I will continue to try to keep from drifting apart from friends and reconnecting with old ones. In short I cannot promise you anything for July other than saying it sure as hell won't be boring!   

Monday, June 18, 2012

Crappy first song writing attempt

After 20 years of trying to write song lyrics in my head I finally came up with something I kind of like. That's not to say its not awful because it is, I'm just happy I woke up from a drunken haze and actually remembered something I was writing in my head. I wish I knew some chords to go with it but I've been listening to Glen Hansard and Counting Crows and I can imagine them playing something like this. So here is my very lame foray into writing song lyrics with "You Were Always Meant to Break my Heart".
I knew it from the first day The first time you smiled at me
That I was in for a ride that was gonna end badly but I had to just close my eyes and buckle up
Know matter how good things got I made sure my guard was always up
Cuz I know it right from the start......
Chorus
You were always meant to be the one to break my heart breaaaaaaak my heart
no matter how hard I tried to fight it there was no way to hide it
You were always meant to break my heart break my heart
and though I'll love you always I'll love you always until the day my soul departs you were always meant to break my heart break my heart
There's nothing more I could have said There's nothing more I could have done
We shared a lot of laughs and cried a lot of tears but I was never gonna be someone you thought about when you closed your eyes Now I'm left with no regrets cause I kneww where we were headed right from the start
Chorus
You were always meant to break breakkkkk my heart No matter how tried to fight it there was no way to hide it you were always meant to break my heart and though I'll love you always I'll love you always until the day my soul departs you were always meant to break my heart to break my heart you were always meant to break my heart

So as you can see this totally blows but it's the first complete song I've ever written in my sleep so I had to get in on paper. I'm sure some garage band can turn this into two minutes of something. Thanks everybody for putting up with my awfulness!

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Fathers Day Blog

In lieu of wasting money on a cheesy Hallmark Card I am sharing my thoughts about my Dad in this space on Fathers Day. I am going to try to avoid as many cliches as possible while still providing my Father the bonus gift of critiquing my work. My Father is an interesting guy and our relationship is clearly unique. Our banter routine and constant battles to verbally one up each other would mortify most but our special to us. I love how we can get more out of ten minutes of conversation getting me in and out of the shower then most people can in hours.

While everyone is bias towards their parents I can tell you honestly that no one works harder then my Father. People can say they work as hard or are forced to perform in higher pressure situations but no one can honestly say they work harder. This is a man who still works two jobs deep into his 50's while carrying the added responsibility of being my care giver. While this takes a physical and emotional toll which can lead to some occasional venting and a higher then we would like frown to smile ratio, he maintains a quiet dignity in everything he does and takes tremendous pride in his work. He might not always get dealt the best cards but he has always been able to roll with the punches and deal with everything you could possibly throw at a person.

I know that there funnier people then my Father, as hard as it might be for him to believe there are smarter people than my Father, some days I know there are happier people then my Father but  there is no one on Earth that could do a better job as a Father. He would do anything for his kids even the things he doesn't agree with that come at a very personal cost. His heart is his greatest wealth and being a Father has always been what he does best and what I think he was put on Earth to do. This family can be totally crazy and no two people could have handled us other than my Mom and my Dad. I know that he knows that he's loved but today I want to let him know that its an honor to be his son and that he makes me proud every day. I know he'll walk around with a big head now but he deserves it today and I love him anyway. Love you Dad! Happy Fathers Day

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Burning NBA Final Questions

Some quick things to look for tonight in what should be a great game and a great series.
Who is Lebron James going to guard?
While he should spend time on Kevin Durant, expect him to switch onto Russell Westbrook after Westbrook takes advantage of a favorable match up against Mario Chalmers.
Will the chains be taken off Chris Bosh?
Coming back off an ab strain Bosh came off the bench in the last three games of the Celtics series. The Heat need him to repeat his Game 7 heroics and start the game to keep Thunder big men Serge Ibaka and Kendrick Perkins from setting up road blocks in the lane against James and Wade.
Will Lebron James and Kevin Durant bring out the best in each other?
Let's hope so as these two have a chance to be this generation's Larry vs Magic. Durant is a 3-time scoring champ and proven clutch time performer. Going against Durant should bring out the best in 3-time MVP James coming off two of his best playoff games while overcoming the Celtics. We could be in store for a great finish if these two decide to go toe to toe in the fourth quarter.
Will Russell Westbrook make or break the Thunder?
The biggest individual advantage either team has in this series is Russell Westbrook over Mario Chalmers at the point guard position. While Westbrook is a dynamic scorer and pulse of the Thunder he has a bit of an ego and can tend to look for his own shot over getting the ball to Durant and James Harden in favorable positions. Quite simply off he limits his turnovers and gets everyone involved in the offense the Thunder will win this series.
Can Dwayne Wade guard James Harden?
Harden has been one of the breakout performers of the playoffs and will make Wade defend a lot harder than Ray Allen did in the last round. This might cause Wade some foul trouble and wear him down a little bit affecting his offensive output.
How Big an advantage is the 2-3-2 series format for the Thunder?
It's huge. It's the reason I'm picking the Thunder to win the series in 7 great games. All they have to do is extend the series past 5 games and they will have the last two games at home where they are 8-0 in playoffs. Having three straight games at home makes it harder for the Heat to defend home court and will likely force them to win 2 road games to pull out the series. As good as Lebron has been in these playoffs that seems like too tall an order. The Thunder win this year and these two teams are likely to meet in the Finals again multiple times over the next five years.
    

Stanley Cup Wrap up

The Los Angles Kings crushed the New Jersey Devils 6-1 last night to win their first Stanley Cup. The win capped an incredible 16-4 run through the playoff which included a remarkable 10-1 record on the road. Fellow UMASS alum goaltender Johnathan Quick took home the Conn Smythe Award as playoff MVP. The Kings became the first #8 seed in the history of professional sports to win a championship. The last team to make the playoffs the Kings breezed through the Western Conference knocking out the top 3 seeds without being pushed beyond five games. While the Finals were sort of anti-climatic with the Kings jumping out to a 3-0 series lead before being pushed to 6 games, there is no better scene in sports then saying the Stanley Cup passed around on home ice.

This is the first season where I was heavily invested in the sport outside of the Bruins and I enjoyed every second of it. It helped that it was the first year the league televised every single playoff game which made a huge difference. People point to the league's lack of presence on ESPN limits its popularity but as long as they continue to televise every playoff game and can grow the newly branded NBC Sports Network to the point it becomes available in most hotels it will be fine. I would also strongly encourage the league to add a season long 24/7 show since HBO's annual build up to the Winter Classic is so great.

As this was my first year watching the sport on a daily baffled by the notion that the sport doesn't translate well to TV.  That's not to say that the live product isn't vastly superior but I think the sport makes for great television. From the harsh brutality of the Flyers-Penguins in round one to all the endless edge of your seat overtime games every playoff game was appointment television. While I realize this cannot always be true of the regular season, there are enough of these elements in play to warrant a greater audience.

While the Kings lack of marquee names didn't translate into great ratings, we can hope that bringing a title to LA can strengthen the sports west coast profile and make hockey players sought after endorsers. The league had a strong playoff season and has very accessible stars that it hopefully build on next season. I look forward to attending many more games in person including mixing in some Rangers games. I am going to follow the league more closely in the regular season and can't wait for another playoff run to begin. Congratulations to the Kings and fellow Minuteman Johnathan Quick!


Saturday, June 9, 2012

Game 7 Pregame Show

I got to witness Lebron's 45 point beat down of the Celtics in person Thursday night. I still haven't recovered from it and am having trouble thinking of a way the Celtics can win tonight. We can only hope that they can sum up the courage to make the final stand they were unable to make in Game 6. They need to play every possession like it's their last because in many ways it is. Whenever this season ends the "Big 3" era will come to an end. Ray Allen will leave as free agent and Kevin Garnett is also a free agent and is said to be pondering retirement.

If Lebron repeats his Game 6 efforts the Celtics have little chance to win. They have choose to hold down Dwayne Wade by doubling him on pick and rolls but have chose to single cover Lebron even when he catches the ball in the post. I would for them to double Lebron when he catches the ball, move Pierce on to Wade and make guys like Chalmers and Battier make shots to beat them. On offense they have to get the ball to Kevin Garnett early and often and he has to make quick decisive moves in the post. Rajon Rondo also has to finish around the rim and hold down his turnovers.

What will ultimately decide this game though is the play of Paul Pierce. It is actually quite remarkable that the team has gotten to a Game 7 with Pierce yet to have a good offensive game in the series. He seems mentally and physically broken from the pressures of guarding Lebron, but if the Captain and the Truth doesn't come to play tonight we're going to see another blowout.

Keys to victory:
Make at least 7 3's
hold Miami to under 20 free throw attempts
commit fewer than 9 turnovers
win the rebounding battle
get 50 combined points from Garnett and Pierce

Prediction Head: 97-88 Heat
Prediction Heart: 86-84 Celtics

Let's go Celtics!  

Monday, June 4, 2012

Opening up a Vein

"What is happiness. It's a moment before you need more happiness". -Don Draper 
Sorry to go all personal diary on this blog entry but most of these are seen just by me and a few others so I don't see the big deal. This quote is from last night's episode of "Mad Men" by favorite show on TV.  It fits very much with what I've been dealing with the past several years. I have so many boring days, hours and minutes that I spent my entire day seeking temporary happiness and having no idea how to sustain it. In 28 years on this planet I have failed to figure out how to sustain happiness on any kind of professional or personal level.

This has let me to the conclusion that happiness is fleeting for everyone. We really have no other choice but to accept that the vast majority of our days will be unsatisfactory ones and to maximize the happy moments that we are able to make for ourselves. It is my vast hope that through religion, a career you have passion for, the love of another or children happiness becomes somewhat sustainable over time. I have sought happiness out like a drug I am in constant need of a hit of and it continues to be a fool's errand for me. I don't even enjoy my happy moments anymore as I find believe constantly checking the clock all the time knowing hours of unhappiness are just around the corner.

For years I had a horrible gambling problem because I had a notion that money was the key to sustaining happiness. I have put together a pathetic resume in the six year since graduating school guided by the belief that any job that couldn't make me happy on a minute by minute basis would be a permanent obstacle to happiness. I have ruined many relationships in my life by believing that anything less than a sitcom level friendship or storybook romance would doom any chance at happiness.

My happiness is furthered hindered by my own bitterness about my disability. Something I've done a fairly good job of publicly concealing but been tormented by in private. I am haunted by the idea of everything my life could of or should have been and that my life will never ever be permanently in my control and not controlled by others. I have to allow myself to believe if I plan enough vacations, events and activities that all these thoughts will magically fall out of my head. Not only has that not happened they have started to interfere in every aspect of everything I do limiting by ability to obtain even temporary happiness.

The idea that I might be chasing some holy grail that may not permanently exist does little to comfort me. I want to continue the search no matter how fruitless does it may seem. I open myself look this in a somewhat public forum because I am scared shitless of feeling into old patterns and behaviors. I am a lost, lonely unemployed 28 year old disabled person and I have no idea what to do about it. The few good things I have in life I am never satisfied with and always on the verge of pushing away. This is the real me and somehow I hope in sharing that I find some answers from somewhere.    

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Day 2 30 Blogs in 30 Days

Encountered major problems on Day 2 of "30 Blogs in 30 Days". 3,000 words about the Celtics and Johan Santana were deleted and lost forever. I'm way too lazy to repeat them so I'll just give you a quick recap. I think The Celtics can win tomorrow and have a chance to win the series if Paul Pierce has a great game and they can continue to get contributions from their bench. I would consider starting Marquis Daniels and freeing up Pierce from having to cover Lebron. On Johan's no hitter it will go down as the biggest regular season no hitter ever. The Mets 50 year history of never throwing one has been one of the most talked about streaks in baseball. Santana has been a major disappointment since coming to Flushing but his 133 pitch effort fresh off of shoulder surgery was nothing short of remarkable.

If you have a blog topic you think would be funny for me to write about this month let me know. I'm spending this entire month tinkering with some new things to keep from going crazy. I'll be adding some book and movie reviews and trying new formats but I'm open to any and all ideas readers may have. It's a cold rainy night here in Worcester and day two of trying to be a vegan has left me quite tired. Be back tomorrow with a better entry and will not erase 3 hours worth of writing!   

Friday, June 1, 2012

30 blogs in 30 days June 1

After a month of floundering professionally and writer's block I'm back committed to this blog on a full time basis. The goal is to post something everyday this month so I'm calling it "30 blogs in 30 days". Not all of them will be good but I will keep posting updates to Facebook and Twitter so you can skim through whatever you want to see and skip what you don't. I know people have a hard time navigating the site as far as figuring out how to leave comments and signup as a follower but we're going to set a very lofty goal of averaging 30 page views over the course of the month.

 June is here and I am just back from another trip to New York City. It was a long day of travel yesterday as I was planning on leaving on the 2:00 train, but they refused to sell me a ticket when I got to the window at 1:47. This forced me to take an Accela for the first time. It was fine enough ride and 45 minutes faster but in no way was worth the $147.50 which is double the rate I pay for the regular train. I usually get off in Providence but was told I have to start coming all the way back to Worcester to get a ride home. They forced me to go the full way to Boston wait another hour to take the commuter rail to Worcester which added another three hours to my travel time. My take away from all of this is that the Accela is never going to be worth the price and they should add nonstop commuter rails. Turning a 50 minute trip into an hour and forty five minute trip by stopping ten times is something I would pay double the rate to avoid.

As for the trip itself, it was nice to finally have great weather to walk around the city in. I spent Tuesday evening walking through Central Park where I somehow failed to find a "Foster the People" concert that was supposed to be going on. There were tons of softball and kick ball games going on which made me laugh for some reason. I then headed over to the pier on 48th to see "Fleet Week" and all the submarines and aircraft carriers that were anchored there. A pending thunderstorm forced us into a bar and after traveling all day I failed to make out past 11pm.

Whenever I go into the city I take in a matinee on Broadway. This month's selection was "Ghost" which I was very skeptical could be turned into an interesting play. I knew things were going to be good when the lack of handicapped tickets forced them to upgrade as to the third row. This was good for many reasons including the fact that the actress playing the Demi Moore role from the movie was a very attractive blonde and had several love scenes to perform in. The star of the show was the actress who pulled the Whoopi Goldberg part who was very over the top and stole the show with several one liners. There were several different visual effects used to go back and forth between the present and ghost world which are not going to fit everyone's taste, but I enjoyed it. I'd rank it a close 3rd out of the four plays I've seen this year just behind Evita and behind "Once". Changing even one thing about "Once" the film is a sin but I love the songs so much I can't rank it anything other then #1.

My brother and I were meeting our cousin Jimmy in the city Wednesday night and he was none to pleased when I came pick from seeing the play and dinner with Colleen five drinks deep. Jimmy who we had just seen for the first time in a long while down the Cape over the weekend was highly amused by my drunken state and bickering with my brother. We went to a Mexican Bar where I stupidly had two margaritas that featured upside down Coronas to boot. The night gets really blurry here as we went to another location and watched the Celtics but I don't remember the game or getting home won't be getting that level of drunk for a long time.

I didn't want to leave early in the morning so when my brother left for work Colleen came over and took me to the 9/11 Memorial which featured several subway trips and my first subway card purchase. It was a stunning sight on beautiful day and well worth the hour trip across the city to see it.

Now I sit here writing on a boring Friday afternoon in Worcester already thinking up my next adventure. I'm becoming crazy impulsive which is probably why I'm rambled on for so long in this space. I promise the 29 others won't be so long! Check back tomorrow for Day 2 of "30 blogs in 30 days".